Svadhyaya & Aparigraha

Our lives can sometimes feel driven by our traumas or our circumstances. We may feel powerless or ashamed, caught in patterns that seem to repeat themselves no matter how hard we try to change them.

Svadhyaya, Sanskrit for self-study, invites us to meet ourselves with curiosity rather than judgment. When we begin to pay attention to ourselves in this way, we may start to notice how much of our self-judgment and expectations have been shaped by what society has told us we should be.

We often forget that we are human animals. Our nervous systems are wired to recognize patterns and protect us from perceived threats. Some of the things we judge most harshly about ourselves may actually be adaptations that once helped us survive.

Understanding this doesn't mean we have to remain stuck in those patterns. It gives us another place to begin. Instead of fighting against ourselves, we can become curious about what we are experiencing. What happens in my body when I feel threatened? What sensations arise when I judge myself? What am I holding onto, and why?

One thing I know for sure is that this process isn't pretty and it isn't linear. Sometimes it means losing old passions, people and personality traits, for better or worse. It's being honest with who you are and choosing to accept this version of you today.

This is where I find Aparigraha, or non-attachment, particularly meaningful. Aparigraha does not mean forgetting, dismissing, or forcing ourselves to move on from difficult emotions or experiences. It is a reminder that we can make space for what we experience without allowing it to define who we are.

A tree doesn't measure its growth against a timeline or worry about whether it is becoming the "right" kind of tree. It grows according to its own nature, responding to what it encounters along the way. 

Just by being what it is, the tree contributes something to the world. And so do you.